


Hausgast

by MiaSchwarz



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Explicit Language, Graphic Description, M/M, Mystery, OMG Check Please - Freeform, OMG Check Please AU, Swearing, secret room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-19 13:59:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11899230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaSchwarz/pseuds/MiaSchwarz
Summary: Unusual things happening in the Hockey-Haus was very common and even Jack didn't so much as flinch anymore at a sudden noise at daylight or the occassional weird bump in the night. But when Bitty finds something alarmingly mysterious in the basement, major happenings in the Haus have to be questioned.





	1. Who sneaks around ...

**Author's Note:**

> This is something like a Check Please Mystery AU I would like to show here.  
> There may also be a series starting. But: I'm not native speaker and not good  
> writer ... If you have better ideas or find awesome errors, give me a hint. I hope  
> you enjoy this and give me your kudos for motivation :)  
> PS: This happens without a canon-compliant timeline, but maybe sometime before  
> Jack and Shitty graduated. This can stand alone, but if I think,  
> you might need a series, I will write more :)  
> PPS: WARNING of description of gorey details, but nothing too grafic, I think ... o.o  
> 

 

„Jack! Are you taking this seriously?“

  
To be honest, the young Canadian wasn't listening to anything his agitated boyfriend may have said during the maybe five minutes between his arrival and the latest question. So the big eyes with one crooked eyebrow in context of the said question caught Jack Zimmermann right in the act.

  
Well, to his excuse, the soon-to-be professional athlete was very fond of history, but he was not so very fond of writing complicated essays on boring topics in a still foreign language. In the end though his determination allowed no going easy on difficult tasks. So when a very animated Eric Bittle entered Jack's room like a small tornado right through the door, jumped onto the bedside next to the desk and began telling something with expressive gestures, Jack was … still very concentrated.

  
Bitty crashing into his room and planting himself on the bed with aplomb and flooding the room with rapid chattering was something Jack obviously should have taken more attention to. If the inquisitive impression of his energetic boyfriend was any indication. To be honest, most times like these, Jack's attention wasn't actually essential. Bitty would flounder through the room, do this or that and fly out through the door somewhere Jack had no exact idea, but it didn't really matter. This situation though seemed to be not like that. And Bitty seemed to get somehow impatient and an irritated frown started to show on his face. Jack's mind finally arrived in reality.

  
„I … sorry … no?“, Bitty wasn't really mad at him, sure? He knew about Jack's schedule for the evening and the older man was certain, he followed the Haus-Cleaning-Board-Rules to the point and didn't mix up Chowder's Stevia-Bin with Protein or some stuff. Again. Or did he …? Before he could uselessly freak out more, Bitty sighed the sigh of those who suffered the worst.

  
„I'm sorry, Bits, this REALLY sucks. I mean, not you, of course. The paper … I … wasn't listening … to anything … Don't be mad, please?“, he tried for the puppy-eyes-trick that always seemed to work with everyone who wanted to calm Eric Bittle's anger. Even though Jack had the suspicion, it only worked in his favor, because he looked ridiculous.

  
Eric held up the palm of one hand and Jack just closed his mouth. Bitty spoke in a calm and friendly voice that made the Canadian nearly lose his attention again.

  
„My dear Jack, light of my life, there is literally NO TIME for anyone to be mad at anybody right now, sweet pea, because!“, he closed his eyes and took a dramatically deep breath.

  
„Because you need to stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW! And get to the basement with me! RIGHT! NOW!“

  
By the end of his speech, the average-sized Georgian was nearly yelling and jumping into Jack's face. He was on his feet, holding Jack's arm with a death-like grip while staring at the other man with big eyes. Jack forced himself not to flinch back in surprise or wrench his arm free or pushing the smaller man away from him. Instead he found his voice and settled for:

  
„What! The! FUCK!“, he exclaimed under his breath and stared at the blonde in front of him with an equally scared impression. Despite general assumptions of the opposite, Jack wasn't overly thick-skinned, but in fact very easy to spook and his usually happy and sunny boyfriend acting all unexpected was … unsettling.

  
„I know, this doesn't make sense and I'm a huge mess and you are mad I broke into your work … erm … Ugh! … What am I doing? Running to my big boyfriend because of a silly fright? My mother would have my frickin' guts … I'm sorry, Jack, I'll just leave y'all and …“

  
Jack felt so confused, a bit irritated as well, because his back was really a bother, and he needed the loo and his boyfriend was being all weird.

  
„No, no, no, Bits. It's … okay, don't go, please“, he stood up too, turned to his boyfriend and opened his arms slightly in the hope, Bitty would just want a hug, and they could settle this out, whatever it was. But Bitty just stepped closer and held Jack's forearms, shaking them a bit as to make a point. But Jack still didn't get it.

  
„Sorry, Bits, I'm not mad at you … just feel achy and tired, thirsty and I need a pee. And this paper is terrible, but I really wanted to finish it and take it in soon, so we could have all of the rest of tonight and tomorrow …“, he sighed and brushed a hand over his face. When Bitty smiled the smallest of smiles, he felt all the tension in his stomach uncoil, and he could swear, even the aches and the exhaustion became less bothering. He concluded, his small southern boyfriend was just magic and it made him smile in return. When he aimed for a small kiss, Bitty batted him away.

  
„I am sorry to disappoint, but I really need you to come with me … right after detouring to the bathroom?“, he was already a few steps ahead of Jack clearly heading for the loo, but hesitating as if to make sure that Jack really followed him.

  
„Sounds good to me. Maybe a break isn't too bad at all …“, he muttered more to himself when he stepped into his house shoes and shuffled behind Eric. The blonde hurried into the facility and quickly turned the light on. Jack trotted around him to the sink, to drink a bit of water. When he stood up and opened the toilet-lid, he mentioned, that Eric was still standing in the corner of the bathroom, still a hardly compressed bundle of nerves.

  
Jack was out of his element regarding the proper etiquette right then, despite living in close quarters with Shitty for what felt like a lifetime, he wasn't sure what to do. But as so often, Bitty saved him.

  
„I … is it okay I just stay here real quiet and close my eyes?“, Jack couldn't refuse any of his tiny boyfriends wishes, no matter how big or elaborate. This though felt like no real sacrifice, after the living-with-Shitty and all. The older man was just glad to know what to do, the relief made him feel secure … and chirpy.

  
„And thinking of Georgia?“, he felt hilarious and could already foresee Shitty groaning at his dad-joke. And he was sure, Bitty was rolling his eyes at him, even though they were closed and hidden behind a hand.

  
„If it wasn't for the desperate situation, I would not put up with your attitude for another second, I tell you, mister“, Jack hardly suppressed a chuckle when Bitty held his weight more on one leg and had an arm resolutely stemmed into his side, still covering his eyes as if he had never seen Jack naked before.

  
„So … what are we doing in the basement?“

  
„YESH, my brahs! What ARE we doing in the basement?“, Shitty yelled and kicked the door open, just to casually stroll into the bathroom wearing sunglasses, an impressive lush kings mantle, some matching pants and a very self-satisfied grin. Jack was privately glad he had eventually decided a long time ago to generally pee while sitting, because he was sure, he would have literally pissed his pants otherwise. Then he would have to feed his sodden pants to Shitty and he really hated to punish his best friend, even if he deserved it.

  
Meanwhile Bitty seemed to recover from his yelp-and-jump - and maybe from some serious cardiac issues as well – so Jack was glad to see him already fit to glare daggers at a very smug looking Shitty.

  
„The NERVE of you, Mister Knight! I swear one day …“, Bitty tried to threaten under his breath, but Shitty stopped him with an imperial gesture.

  
„No time for profanities, my bathroom sharing friends, more urgent matters to tend to. For example, why is the way to the basement all lit up though no single soul is around?“

  
„And what are we gonna do in the basement?“, Jack chimed in again.

  
„Well …“, Bitty huffed and looked around nervously. „I'm not sure?“

  
Shitty awed as if in deep understanding but Jack frowned.

  
„I mean, I'm not sure what to tell you. I'm not even sure what to think myself. It's so weird and … I don't know. I … I hope, it's just nothing, but …“, the young Southerner bit his lower lip in visible distress and Jack didn't like the deep lines of worry that started to show on his boyfriend's forehead. So he hurried to finish cleaning his hands, stepped in front of the smaller man and hugged him to his chest.

  
„It's okay, Bits. If it concerns you so much, I will have a look at whatever there is in the basement, eh?“, he spoke calmly and placed a small peg on Bitty's head.

  
„That's right, oh captain, my captain! And I shall guard your side, as it is my name and duty after all“, Shitty exclaimed, hugged the other men and kissed their cheeks. Then he jumped back into his room and threw the cape away from him.

  
„Do we need special equipment, Bits?“, he called back and rummaged around the room until he found his denim-west and some Bermudas.

  
„Actually, some torches might be useful“, Bitty pondered while he and Jack left the bathroom and stood in Shitty's room.

  
„And … do we have a pry bar? Oh, and we need ... just wait a sec“, he sprinted out of the room and returned shortly later armed with his stick. Jack and Shitty stared at him in confusion.

  
„What?“, the smaller blonde demanded. „Do you think I'm all in a tizzy because I dropped a stick of butter behind the fridge?“, the other men looked at each other and then back at Bitty, who sighed.

  
„Okay, actually … I did drop a stick of butter behind the fridge, but that's not THE POINT!“, he held his stick so hard, his knuckles went white and one could see the muscles of his jaw working, clenching tight.

  
„Righto, no more questions, more action, guys“, Shitty announced and pulled an Indiana Jones hat out of nowhere to place it delicately on top of his precious flow.

  
Jack sighed and rushed to his room to get his own stick. He quickly thought about taking his helmet, the basement was narrow at some parts. But he decided to take his camera instead, because if there was some damage or else they had to report to campus-management or something, it could become handy. He buckled the hiking-bag securely around his waist, stepped into solid shoes, took his stick and steeled himself for whatever to come.

  
Shitty and Bitty were already waiting for him in front of Shitty's open door, which he rarely closed. They silently walked through the quiet house, all the other occupants being elsewhere and eventually arrived at the top of the staircase leading to the basement. As Shitty had mentioned, the basement was illuminated profoundly, so the way was clear and open to see. The three young man looked at each other, then Jack nodded and went first to venture down into the basement. It didn't take long, until the three hockey-teammates stood squarely in the middle of the big room, cautiously looking around.

  
„So …“, Shitty let the paddle of the stick hit the ground with a twack and twirled his mustache with thump and index finger, eyes narrowed in dramatic suspicion. He and Jack looked at their smallest team-member.

  
„Well, you see … I was rustling around here, getting butter'n stuff. So I was rummaging through the fridge. But then I heard … some kind of a bump and I got spooked and dropped the butter.“

  
„So! YOU need US to save your pie, because your itsy-bitsy-tiny fingers can't reach it?“, Shitty interrupted with more enthusiasm than this outcome would deserve, at least in Jack's opinion. Bitty shook his head with a sigh.

  
„No, Shitty, because I have you know, I was perfectly capable to retread the traitorous thing all by myself, thank you very much!“, he huffed at the man in question.

  
And Jack really felt the long hours at his desk creep up to him. He was getting tired and cold, he could use a snack and a juice. A nice bed and his warm, cuddly boyfriend sounded more appealing than lurking around in dusty basements. He even contemplated to let his papers rest until tomorrow or even the next day in favor of just not moving much at all. Also, his patience was running thin.

  
„Bittle, is there a real point here, because I'm sorry to be impatient, but …“,

  
„Yes. Yes! There is a point, I mean … Let me show you!“, he struggled to get a huge torch out of his pocket, fiddled with the lighter, placed it on the ground facing to the fridge and went to his knees next to the machine.

  
„You see, when I tried to get the butter, I managed to get my arm under the fridge. Because, I thought this thing was hella heavy, so I didn't even try to move it in the first place. I tried just like this.“

  
Bitty was now lying on his side and after some twisting and trying he was indeed able to push one arm completely under the fridge right up to the shoulder.

  
„Ew, dude, you know I'm the most disgusting living being in this noble Haus, but there must be the dust of the founders still molding under that thing“, Shitty commentated and Jack found his wrinkled nose of disgust almost to be worth standing around in their basement.

  
„Well and there is one point that's weird, because …“, the young man on the ground wriggled his arm out of the narrow space and showed it to his friends.

  
„Isn't this a bit too clean for 'the dust of the founders'?“, he asked them.

  
„Doesn't mean anything necessary. What do you mean anyway?“, Jack asked while Shitty took a closer look at Eric's arm and hand.

  
„Well, okay, it doesn't have to mean anything, but … when I was lying down there and fiddled for the butter, I was just glad I didn't find anything gross. Euh! But … I mean, it's really weird, but I could feel a brush of air on my fingers and I mean, how can that be while there are no windows here and only the one door out?“

  
„Uh, brah“, Shitty called while standing in front of the fridge and looking at it. „Maybe you felt the circulation of the cooling elements and …“

  
„Yeah, I thought so, too. But it wasn't regular, I mean, it changed in intensity and somehow it smelled really rad occasionally.“

  
„Maybe there is something rotting under the fridge?“, Jack mentioned and Bitty shook his head.

  
„I'm pretty sure I touched everything under that fridge, it is really clean down there. I am sure the air comes from under that thing, because I felt around. And along the wall there is some kind of ridge at the back, between the wall and the ground, I think“

  
„Brah, that shouldn't be, see? The walls and the ground connect, there is no ridge or gap“, Shitty pointed out by aiming his own torch to the nearest corner of the building to show his friends.

  
„Yes! I know! But I felt around and I am pretty sure I even found some kind of … outlet? I could even put my pinky fingertip into the space“, despite his agitation, the smaller man spoke very quietly.

  
„I was just scratching at it, but the stench became very strong suddenly and it made me feel weird. So I tried to get outta there fast, but I got tangled somehow and pulled hard to get free. That's when I found out, the fridge isn't so difficult to move at all, it butched really easy in fact …“, Bitty seemed to think about something while studying the object, Shitty went to stay in front of him.

  
„Wait, ma lad, just so I get it. You dived down for the butter under the fridge, but you got a weird whiff, got freaked out, ripped the fridge off the wall, pulled it back and …“

„Actually … I don't remember shoving it back into place, but … I'm not sure …?“, Bitty seemed more nervous again, but he composed himself quickly.

  
„I know it sounds strange, but … it doesn't make sense at all. The clean floor, the breeze, the gap in the wall and … the smell … something's going on here, I swear. I mean, I am not sure …“

  
Bitty jumped a bit when Jack approached him from the side for a brief hug.

  
„It's okay Bits. Lets just look behind that fridge, maybe it's just nothing after all“, he kissed the smaller man's temple and got a small smile in return.

  
„Yeah, I certainly hope so, mister“, his facial impression got back to serious determination.

  
„So, let's do this“, Shitty exclaimed and started to pull at the huge fridge. As Bitty had said, it moved astonishingly easy, gliding over the concrete floor like it was padded on some soft tissue. Jack and Shitty took to the task and pulled the thing completely out of its corner to have an extra good look. What they found was unexpected, but not really strange at first. In contrast to the rest of the basement, this special nook was indeed different. Along the whole length of the narrow wall was in fact a very small gap were otherwise wall and floor would meet without a flaw. It could be easily overlooked while standing upright, but getting down to one knee both Jack and Shitty could follow it clearly. The outlet Bitty described was more like a small, nearly round crack of material. It looked as if there was a piece of plastering broken off the wall. It wouldn't be too suspicious, Jack thought.

  
„Bitty, my bittiest brah, I see what you got there … That's … not right“, Shitty looked concerned and scratched his head in visible astonishment. Bitty just nodded frantically, but Jack still felt clueless.

  
„Guys, what's wrong?“, despite the lack of information Jack started to feel uneasy, too, as he watched his friends in rising distress.

  
„Well, Jack, my Canadian friend, that piece of dirt wouldn't be too weird, if the wall was indeed plastered with stucco. But all these walls are solid concrete, as is the floor. Not the most elegant way to seal the ground of the good old Haus, but it will do as ever.“

  
„But … it seems like stucco“, Jack fetched some of the small grains and crumbled them between his fingers.

  
„Yesh, my sexy, intelligent friend, and this wall, or at least the lower part of it, is indeed plastered, for whatever reason. And it looks suspiciously unsuspicious in comparison to the other walls. And the huge ass fridge infront of it?“

  
„And as far as I know, there should not be wind coming out of the earth through the concrete“, Bitty chimed in, but shrank a bit, when Shitty and Jack looked at him.

  
„I mean, I may be just a simple soul, but I helped my fare share building tornado-proof houses around my neck of the woods, so …“

  
„So, our very attentive southern mole had the right suspicion … something's really off here,“ Shitty muttered while he crouched down in front of the wall where the fridge stood originally. He started to knock carefully but pointedly with the closed end of his torch against the wall, beginning an arms length over his head, moving down slowly.

  
„But … what does that all mean?“, Jack couldn't help the rising dread crawling in a cold shiver up his spine.

  
„The more pressing question NOW is, what was that smell Bitty mentioned, because I think, I can smell something weird as well …“, Shitty mumbled seemingly in deep concentration. When his knocking reached an area maybe 50 centimeters off the ground, the resound of the knocks became less sharp and crisp than before, but more dull and hollow. Jack felt his heart drop into his guts and gladly took his boyfriend's hand when he felt him stepping close to his side. They both watched as Shitty carefully placed the torch on the ground and moved his hands over the unknown surface in the wall, searching for texture difference.

  
„What did you say it smelled like again, my Bitty brah?“, Shitty called out with a playful tone, but his face was fierce in concentration. After some more knocking, pressing and scratching away stucco Shitty was able to dislodge whatever was wedged into the wall a bit to get a peek through the gap with his torch and Jack swallowed.

  
„I'd rather not dare to say …“, Eric all but whispered. When Shitty took the pry bar and cranked the thing off its hidden hinches with a braking noise the stench hit all three of them suddenly and hard.


	2. ... deserves what he finds!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If things seem like they couldn't get even worse, reality strikes and hits Eric Bittly hard. But he has his team-mates who have his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not native speaker, no beta and just trying out things.  
> Still hope, this makes sense and is fun. Let me know if there  
> need to be better taggs or errors removed. Have fun!

Bitty didn't stop shaking slightly the whole night, even while sleeping, Jack could tell. He was jumpy during breakfast, but stayed put by taking his usual southern cheeriness very seriously. He constantly texted during his classes complaining about the smallest things and Jack concluded, he didn't take a single helpfull note all morning. When the flow of messages suddenly stopped during midday, every member of the SMH-Group-Chat took a breath in hope, their second smallest team-member had calmed down over a nice, warm meal with some overly sugary dessert from the campus-halls. It all died down though, when one Eric Bittle arrived shortly after official lunch-time at the Haus.

Bitty was the last one to get to the Haus after his last class of the week was done. He usually took a snack at the dining-hall, had a nice and long chat with whoever he found there and started his well deserved weekend with an even nicer cup of Annies to eventually come back to the Haus for doing whatever the guys did for weekends. He usually entered the humble Haus in a perfectly good mood, chatty and laughing like Annie's drinks contained secret moonshine and sooner than later started the disco-kitchen, as Jack liked to call it, to stock up on baked goods before joining the others for their stupid ideas.

This time however, the front-door opened and closed silently. There was no talking or laughing nor singing. And if the silent steps up the first stairwell were any indication, there would definitely be no baking happening this Friday evening. In result of the latest events in the cellar the evening before, nobody seriously expected anything else, although they privately hoped otherwise. So all the occupants of the Haus and the usual visitors that had been sitting cramped together in the kitchen had just waited for their sunny Southerner to make the strange situation a bit normal again. But to no avail.

Jack sighed, they couldn't wait for Shitty to come back in the evening, something had to be done now, or something even worse might happen on it's own. Again. Jack stood up and pushed through the other guys heading for the fridge.

„Right! This is awful, so listen what we do“, he got some mumbles in agreement as everyone watched their Captain.

„I can cook the best of us, except Bitty, so I make some lunch. Rans and Holster, you go and make some spiked … original southern … Iced Tea or something“, both men jumped up to salute enthusiastically and climbed over their complaining team-mates to hustle to the attic.

„You guys“, Jack pointed at Chowder, Dex and Nursey, „you go and get at least five different brands of Bitty's favorite biscuits. I don't care where or how you get them, understood?“, the three friends just nodded at Jack and started to mutter about Dex's truck, Nursey's master-card and Chowder's list about Things Bitty Loves The Most But Rarely Buys.

„Say no more, my captain,“ Lardo spoke before Jack could tell her his orders. „I get the fancy Whiskey and lure the Southern Belle in distress out of his chamber. I've got this!“, she exclaimed, jumped off her chair and strolled nonchalantly on her way without waiting for Jack's response. So the young Canadian just nodded to himself and started to cook something simple, but plentyful and waited.

It took half an hour for Jack to make enough Pasta and Tomato-Meat-Sauce to get the team through the next week. Five minutes later Ransom and Holster rolled a big, black container on wheels full of a sweet and heavy smelling liquid and a huge chunk of ice floating around into the kitchen and onto the counter. Another five minutes later Chowder, Dey and Nursey arrived, too. They were armed with an impressive amount of fancy sweets and even cleared out the remaining beer from the fridge to deposit everything safely inside. Ransom and Holster had to make up another big container with ice water for the brew. Finally, Jack set the table, everyone sat down and as he contemplated a short message to Lardo, she arrived in the kitchen with Bitty in tow. Both had slightly glassy eyes, but Bitty didn't seem to shake anymore. Lardo placed Bitty on his favourite spot at the table and literally fell down into her spot, that she usually shared with Shitty.

Eric looked at the set table, with the mismatched plates, random collection of cheap silverware and different glasses. The pasta looked so deeply yellow, like it was completely made of eggs and the sauce was nicely red and steamy, smelling tempting. Everyone he maybe liked the most in the world was seated patiently and when Chowder started to talk excitedly about the Iced Tea and the tons of Sweets to make him feel better, Eric Bittle started to cry. Lardo sighed.

„Dude sure had a kind of a day“, she explained calmly and took a great swig of her big glass of Iced Tea without even trying it first. Ransom and Holster watched in their usual awe.

„Like HELL it was!“, Bitty exclaimed in an impressing mixture of tearful anger and everyone held a breath.

„It was … TERRIBLE … at the halls. It was … it was like a big, bad, silly drama … right there … in the pasta-bowls …“, he was devastated, everybody nodded as if they understood anything. Jack understood nothing, but he gave his boyfriend a dry handkerchief and held one of his hands with his own.

„It was like … the pasta was like this whole mess here … You have NO idea … It … It was …“, he started sobbing again and Lardo ripped the cloth out of his hand to shove her half empty glass into it in exchange. When she mentioned for the blonde to drink, he took a shaky sip and made something complicated with his face that Jack would usually laugh about. Eric swallowed anyway.

„Euh … this is … eurks, I'm so sorry … really terrible … but just the right thing now“, he cleared the rest and gave Lardo her glass back, chewing on the ice he had caught in his mouth with a wrinkled nose.

„Is this better, my little toss-pot?“, Jack tapped Bitty's hand lightly with his own.

„You have … NO idea, mister. I can't even explain it … the Pasta … I mean, we have all made easy meals before. Just throwing together some ingredients and call it a dish. But the pasta … was a whole new level of laziness … the chief didn't even TRY to give a F … hicks … so sorry“, Bitty hiccuped again and mentioned for Lardo to give him another drink.

„I mean, I get it, you work with what you got … you have got cheap ass American plastic cheese with no flavor and some … pasta. So you try to mix it together. But the whole thing of mixing even was to much … just dump a bunch of cheap cheese on it, there you go“, he sobbed painfully and took a more smoothly drag of the Tea.

„So … so I stood there with my plate and thought … I couldn't even THINK, it was just so … SAD“, Eric looked around at his friends in search of encouragement of understanding and all guys, except Lardo, nodded dutifully.

„Then … y'all won't believe it … the serving lady got really mad at the guy in front of me, like, REALLY FRICKIN' MAD“, Bitty placed the glass on the table with a determined sound, nobody dared to say something.

„She was like: Here, ENJOY your macaroni and FUCK IT! What was that? YOU WANT DESSERT? I get you a cup of water and some sweetener! HERE YOU GO! EVERYTHING'S FINE! LIFE IS GREAT!“, Eric screamed and flailed his arms, then slumped down, shaking his head.

„I mean, you made this with so much love and this is so sweet and real … But in the halls … It was the culinary equivalent of an existential crisis and it was made … OUT OF A CRIPPLING EMOTIONAL BRAKEDOWN AND IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH! WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON? OH MY GOD!“, Bitty was in hysteric tears again and Jack crushed him against his chest.

The other occupants in the kitchen showed a mixture of different reactions from shock to disbelief, to anger and barely suppressed giggles. All except Lardo, who was clearly already in on their most favorite southern baker's latest adventure. Who was eventually hunched sadly in his boyfriends lab, a mere shadow of his usual happy self.

„'m so sorry, sweetpea, but … I'm really all over the moon since yesterday, ya know?“, he sniffed wetly, cleared his throat and tried to dry his face with the already sodden hanky. Jack sighed deeply and pulled another fresh one out of his trouser-pocket … The young athlete had learned long before he even knew about one Eric Bittle to be prepared for situations like these. Bitty gave him a watery smile in return and blew his nose forcefully, only to slump into himself again sadly.

„Hey bud, I know this is all … weird“, Bitty gave him the stink eye.

„Right, it's a big fucking mess … And I think, we are not waiting for Shitty and if you like …“, he was interrupted by a dramatic gasp of his boyfriend and feared for the tears to start again.

„Thank heavens and beyond! You are just the best and smartest and sweetest …“, Lardo broke the mood with an impressive combination of awe and a retching sound. Before anyone could so much as think about something even more hilarious, Jack glared at his team-mates the best he could while his boyfriend wriggled in his arms.

„Y'ALL“, Bitty pointed at Lardo in particular, „are the WORST! But Jack! That is a brilliant idea!“, Eric gave his dumbfounded boyfriend a soundful smooch on the mouth and beamed at him with stary eyes.

„I … it is? But I thought, you were scared …?", if Jack didn't look so cute when he was confused, Eric might have been offended, but he was just so relieved.

„Of course I am scared. I'm terrified actually! But mainly because I want to know what's creeping around our Haus and get the hell rid of it. Instead of sitting around and freaking out while waiting for Shitty. Why are we waiting anyway? We should have ripped the wall apart that right instant and …“

„ … and that's the reason we decided not to rush things in the middle of the night and instead wait for Shitty to end work after he talked to one of his colleagues. Remember?“, Bitty huffed in annoyance and Jack decided, it was safe enough to deposit the smaller man back on his own chair and start eating before everything had gone completely cold.

Soon enough everyone started to dig into the food and different topics filled the table. Only Bitty was still silently nursing his Iced Tea and Jack was distracted frowning at him.

„You know“, Bitty said after another deep drag of the drink,“this stuff gets better the more you drink actually …“, he started to giggle silently and shook his head. It dragged on Jack's nerves, he needed to get Eric to calm down, not to get into another fit of hysterics by further weirdness. Or drunk. Although he had to admit, the story from the hall was exceptionally weird. Shitty would DIE when Lardo told him the further details. But that's all for later!

„Seriously, Bittle, if we are going to look down there on our own, I need you to focus and …“

  
„That's right, Sir!“, Eric pulled up his nose soundly, then drowned his glass with a shaky hand, the following smile wobbly, eyes still watery, but full of determination and everyone at the table observed him silently. Jack had no idea what to be prepared for and he was running dangerously low on handkerchiefs now.

„No time for dramatic fits! Let's … go down there and check the fuck out of this mess, bless our hearts“, the small Southerner started to fill his plate and digged into the dish rigorously. Slowly his team-mates followed his example finishing their meals and soon Jack came to the conclusion, that this was the best they could get and they had to work with that. It seemed, Lardo was already finished with eating and if her cackling and recalling Bitty's story on the phone was anything to go by, Shitty was at least in on the change of plans.

Eventually Bitty stood up from the table and made a beeline for the fridge to coo at the precious purchases made by his friends to cheer him up. Jack noticed, there was still a mentionable amount of barely warm pasta on his own plate and he was the last to clear it. He shoveled everything left in his mouth and went to his favorite protein-shake-ingredients in his head and even considered a PB&J-Sandwich to get into his pre-game-mindset, but that might just be a bit too much …

The young Canadian was thankfully interrupted in his railing thoughts when his ever so caring boyfriend cleared the empty plate as soon as it was done and placed a most likely perfect protein-shake in-front of him instead. He sighed with a bit of relief and tried to smooth his face to match his smiling boyfriend. Bitty still seemed a little more jittery than usual, but he took an obvious effort to pull himself together.

„I'm so sorry, sweetpea, I'm such a silly fool … I didn't want you to be concerned because of my hissy fit …“, he stroked one hand in a gentle move over Jack's head and how could he seriously be mad at his personal ray of sunshine? Maybe he was a bit obsessive, but …

„Don't fall asleep on me there, big boy!“, Bitty scratched Jack's neck with pointed fingers to pull him back to attention and Jack smiled with closed eyes like the actual fool he felt like, leaning into the touch with a low hum.

„And don't get side-tracked as well, mister! We have a … a MESS to investigate and I need you sharp and alert“, he pinched Jack's nearest ear hard, it really hurt, a bit, and Jack squinted his face.

„Ouch“, he exclaimed and scowled playfully at the smaller man.

„That's right, dear! Let's … just do this, eh?“, Bitty aimed for determination again, but his attend of chirping Jack was unusual hesitant. Jack couldn't let that stay this way.

So he nodded, stood up, gave Eric a sure kiss on his forehand and looked back at his team-mates, all ready to do what had to be done.

„You heard him, let's do this“, he stated and so started their journey down behind the mysterious fridge and the creepy hole in their very own Haus's walls.


	3. And if you don't search ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting for Shitty takes far too long, so Bitty ventures into the unknown

Bitty pushed himself to just scoot forward by sheer force of will. He both cursed and blessed Ransom, who forced him to wear a medical breathing-mask, that covered half of his face, clinging to the skin with sweat and itching at the rims with dust. He also both cursed and blessed Dex, who forced him to wear underwater-goggles. They certainly helped against the thick dust flying around, but he felt like a fish in a bowl of dirty water. To his great displeasure he had to both curse and bless his precious child Chowder, who forced him to wear the extra thick gardening-gloves, because Bitty would never had gotten on all four without them. For good measure, he also had to both curse and bless Nursey, who bothered to be challenged by his friends to dig a pair of knee-caps from somewhere. To Bitty's dismay he couldn't think of anything bad about them, but anyway. Finally, he both cursed and blessed his very beloved boyfriend, who forced him to wear an actual yellow safety-hat. It was far too big and slipped down his face all the time, but the attached headlight was a clear bonus. After all, the googles were sitting securely on the tight-fitting mask and would at least stop the hat to fall off completely at some point.

So Eric Bittle had been dressed, prepared and briefed on his mission by Jack, Ransom and Holster, while Lardo supervised the other three men removing the fridge. She was filming the whole process with a camera she had borrowed from her department, together with some other stuff she and Jack had gathered in the small amount of time. So at least the basement was lit profoundly and Jack explained a very concentrated Eric Bittle the major settings of the digital camera he had bought sometime for ocassions like this to safe the good equipment. He was glad that Lardo was in check and he could fuss about his boyfriend for a bit longer. He wished, he was the smallest team-meber instead of Bitty so he could climb into the wall as the first one on his behalf. But Jack wasn't even one of the smaller guys on the team and they certainly would never ever let Lardo get in there first, crisse. So Eric Bittle was the logic choice and he took to his task with all the bravery he could muster. Jack was very proud and still very, very concerned. It took him a lot of effort not to hug the smaller man and shower him with affection and well-meant advice, but he stayed put. He finally handed the camera over to Eric and hoped, his hands didn't shake too much.

„Shitty said, if we don't involve police, we have to safe and document as much as possible, for evidence if needed“, Bitty nodded and Jack went on.

„So, don't move anything if not really necessary and take a picture first before you do it and place the item somewhere safe“, the blonde nodded again.

„And only move where you can see the ground. Crane your neck to the side and check the roof for damage. Try not to touch the walls. Don't cut yourself“, Jack took a breath, he could think of thousand things to say.

„Yes, dear“, Bitty said instead and started to adjust his equipment again.

„I'll be very, very careful. And if something's weird, I get right outta there. No experiments, no risks. I've got it“, Eric stated and he seemed the most calm since the day before. Jack sighed and told his subconscious to let it go for now.

„All right, just … stay safe. I … we want you back the way we left you, eh?“, Jack hoped, his attend at a smile wasn't too much of a fail. Eric seemed happy with that and smiled, before he devotedly marched to his destination.

„Righto y'all, let me through!“, he marched to his designated hole in the wall and the other guys parted in awe and encouraging words. So Eric Bittle descended into the dark.

That's where he found himself, in a dark, very narrow, very dirty dungeon of red bricks and the mysterious, still disgusting smell lingering in the air. The face-mask did a great job against the odor with its fancy herbal-oily-inlet-thingy Holster had explained about to him, as had the various bug-bombs with their synthetic-lemon-scented super-powers.

Actually, Shitty had somehow forced Chowder, Dex and Nursey to do the job, so while Nursey provided the bombs, Dex ripped the fridge and the wall-cover out of the way in record time and Chowder lurched the missiles into the vague direction everyone suspected the slim tunnel would lead to. Then Chowder had bolted back, Dex crashed the cover back over the hole and Nursey shoved the fridge back in place. This process had occurred two times during the night, after Eric, Jack and Shitty had left the basement eventually. While Jack had Bitty finally agree to go to sleep, Shitty refused to do anything of the kind. It had already been too late for going to bed early, so he did some general thinking and decided, the time was perfect to wake the three younger team-mates and announce their new job at three in the morning.

Surprisingly, the uproar Shitty had expected remained open, because as it turned out, it only took the mentioning of their bitty baker's distress and Chowder was all alert and up on his feet. If Chowder was in, Dex and Nursey followed right behind. The rest of the night until classes and work started was filled with debugging the basement. After all it was a very busy night. Later in the morning, when the guys deemed the place safe enough so far, Lardo was allowed to go down there as well to place all the camera-equipment around the space that Jack had gathered after Bitty had left for class.

Now Bitty was somewhere behind the outer wall of the basement. His first flash of terror and fear, he had nursed until Jack had announced the change of plans, was slowly replaced by simple disgust. And it took the former place of his determination by sheer will, too. Because he was slowly crouching … somewhere, the light on the helmet created only a small visible circle around his hands on the ground and he couldn't see anything beyond that. Eric could feel though, that the place had a very low ceiling and it became even lower the farther he got.

Not that he was getting very far anytime soon. In fact, it took him quite some time to even get into the place to begin with. When he was kneeling down in-front of the hole in the wall, Holster had playfully bumped his headgear to turn on the light. The opening itself looked like it was literally cut out of the wall with neat corners and clean edges. It had a very low, but rather wide rectangular shape and the cover seemed to fit very well. Bitty and Shitty couldn't agree whether it was actually made after the building was built or much earlier during the process of that. They weren't sure, because it may also have been an outlet for plumping and stuff initially that had never been used.

It didn't really matter after all, because whatever it was, Eric poked his head into it to carefully look around. The depth of the opening was the result of the foundation-wall and everywhere Bitty could see so far were red bricks. He started to crawl forward and was soon met by another wall of bricks.

„I think, I'm in some kind of tunnel?“, he called back to his team-mates and took some pictures with the camera.

„Can you see where it goes?“, Lardo called back. Eric felt around himself.

„Ergh … no but … I think to my right is another wall“, he moved through the hole and contorted his body to get the right way. With every move endless amounts of dust and debris swirled around and it was hard to see anything. But Bitty didn't have to move far.

„I think … here is another wall … yeah“, he gave up on aiming and just tried to get as many pictures as possible. It was hard to make it out, but Bitty was pretty sure, the tunnel was closed with these bricks. He felt with his fingertips around the edges, but it caused only more dust to fly around.

„The way is out here, I'm coming back“, he announced and crouched backwards again. He wormed himself around the space of the opening and started to venture to the other direction of the tunnel.

This is where he was now, crawling very slowly along this mysterious tunnel. With every move, he could feel small items shift under his hands, knee-caps and boots. Amongst dirt and debris, there was a lot of junk and countless amounts of dust. It took not long until Bitty found out the reason for the horrible smell. To his left and right on the ground along the walls lay the remains of small rodents, some rats, lots of bugs and the lower parts of the walls were covered in mold.

„I think Shitty was right, guys … there's mold and moisture here …“, he shortly listened for the mumbling in return then moved further into the darkness. His progress was slow, the walls became closer and at some point Eric had to almost lie on his stomach, when he came to a wooden wall.

„Hey y'all, I think, I found something!“, he called over his shoulder and tried to make sense of his discovery. While he inspected the wooden planks, he heard some scraping and knocking to his left.

„Bits, can you hear something?“, Lardo asked him while the knocking continued and Bitty said yes.

„Cool, that's Dex trying to find out where behind the wall you are“, she explained in return.

„'kay, I think, he has to go a few feet further, Lards“, he shouted and when he heard the knocks directly to his left side, he gave Lardo an okay.

„Can you move on?“, Lardo asked.

„No … I'll … just …“, Bitty had a vague idea about what he had found and pushed against the wood with both his hands hard. More stuff littered down from the ceiling and along the walls. Eric could feel the thing giving off and he hit the wood hart. Small parts of the walls dropped on his back and Bitty hoped, the scattering sounds scratching through the walls were just vibrations and not more creepy critters dead or alive. With a sharp snap and a dull thump the wooden wall gave off and crashed into a new part of the darkness. Bitty felt the swirling dust rush over the exposed parts of his face and waited.

Soon all noise died down as the young blonde watched the dust settle down in the cone of his headlight.

„Bits? You still there, bud?“, it was Jack.

„Yeah, all is good, just waiting for the dust to fall down“, Bitty huffed as a particular big particle of dust settled just between his eyes.

„Right … Dex says, you are right in-front of the wall of the next corner. The Haus should end there … what did you found? What was the noise?“, Eric could make out some mumbling and remained waiting.

„Uh, I think that was some kind of door? It fell right off the wall to the other side, but it's so dusty and dark, I can't see a thing yet“, he explained and hoped, he could stand up soon, his joints started to protest.

„Okay, be careful. And don't forget to take pictures“, Jack said and Eric could hear Lardo shoo him out of the way. He decided, now was a good enough time to move on.

Because the area was so hard to make out, the small man slowly cleared his way with his hands out first. He found a small step after the new hole and moved forward. When he pushed his head through the opening, the ceiling wasn't visible anymore, as were the walls, what left only the small circle of light on the ground for coordination.

„Lards? I think, I found some kind of room?“, he called over his shoulder and could hear several people starting to talk with each other. He moved forward over the small step one limp at a time.

When Eric was finally completely in the room, he found the ground full of junk starting to pile up around him. He decided to stand up slowly and it turned out, he was really standing in a decently big room, at least he could stand straight and was still unable to make out the ceiling. Before doing anything more than searching around, Eric started to take pictures, turning around his own axis slowly. Along with the electric flash he could see abstract climpses of the room. At first he aimed for the ceiling and saw long chains of moldy, dusty webs hanging down a black ceiling glistening with moisture in the flashlight. Bitty shuddered as his panoramic view of the dungeon became more detailed. After his first round, he had to take a breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

Suddenly, there was a violent scratching and shoveling coming the way he entered the room. Bitty froze and held his breath.

„Bits? Where are ya, fucker?“, Bitty sighed in relief, it was just Shitty.

„Hey Shits, what on earth are you doing?“, the young Southerner stared at his friend and flashed a picture. It came out with Shitty looking wide mouthed through the hole up from down the ground like a deer caught in headlight. Bitty snickered.

„The question is, why let those dicks leave you alone? Assholes, even Lardo, I can't believe it“, the older man wriggled himself through the tunnel with great effort. He was wearing a bright yellow biohazard-suit and a blue net over his flow. Amongst the gloves, protectors, face-mask and goggles, he also had a helmet, but the light was far more powerful than Bitty's sorry attempt at a light.

„Because, if anybody, Chowder is the smallest after me and should have followed if anything happened“, Bitty explained and Shitty snorted.

„Yeah, because he would be here so much faster than me. How long did you take for two meters? Whose plan was this? It's awful!“, Shitty finally slumped next to Bitty's feet and used his body to get to his feet.

„And it get's even worse …“, Shitty started to look around the environment, aiming for the ceiling first like Bitty had done.

„Yeah“, the smaller man agreed. „It's super awful, I tell ya!“

Bitty started to make more pictures while Shitty moved around carefully. He could make out another bout of voices until one peaked out.

„Shitty, you stupid … shit! I get to pee one time a day for five minutes and this soft-hearted idiots let you in there or what?“, Lardo shouted and everyone else seemed silent.

„But of course, ma lady, save your heart for my return. It shall be soon“, Shitty hollered back and some laughing could be heard until Lardo silenced them again.

„S'aswesome. Get your dusty asses outta there ASAP, understood?“, she ordered and both Shitty and Bitty responded loudly, only for the nasty acoustics hit their ears.

„Eugh, gross as whatever, brah. What is this mess?“, Shitty shoved a bit of thrash around and a small pile of junk rustled to the ground.

„Stop that! Or take a picture first, heavens“, Bitty exclaimed and aimed some shots at Shitty's face.

„Yeah, yeah, take it easy ma lad. I might know what may going on here … the reason why I came after you before someone else could, or before Lardo found me …“, despite the mostly covered face, Bitty could swear his friend seemed sad and concerned.

„Don't be all mysterious, mister“, Bitty scolded him playfully. „It is unbecoming, sir!“, he sniffed his nose but it made only a small sound through his mask.

„'m not, ma lad. Just have a very serious idea and need your first opinion before those nerds pester you …“, it still sounded mysterious.

„You are still not making any …“, Bitty had stepped around Shitty with a big step and his foot hit something. The swift motion was forceful enough to send the item flying off. It sailed directly against the next wall and hit it with a sound, both Bitty and Shitty knew very well. So they stared in disbelief at the black, round disk, that skittered back off the wall to their feet. Back to Bitty's feet, to be exact, because he had instantly frozen in place and didn't dare to breath as he watched the hockey-puck moving around with big eyes.

„What is that …?“, he started to ask and lifted the camera to take more pictures.

„A very valid question, brah“, Shitty crouched down and observed the motionless chunk of rubber now standing upright on its side. If you didn't know what to look for, the puck seemed like a battered, filthy paraphernalia lying in a creepy, dirty secret dungeon. But if you knew what you saw, like Bitty and Shitty, you could clearly see the remaining smudge of white marker on the puck's surface.

„Don't touch it“, Bitty said nearly in a whisper and took picture after picture.

„No way, son“, Shitty sounded shaken, but he continued to look around the room until he finally stood up.

Now Bitty got down to one knee, because he wanted to make detailed photos of the piles of junk. He didn't want to think to much about what kind of liquids covered these walls and the garbage. And he certainly didn't want to look at this sick mess closely. But his rising dread let his brain to the conclusion, that this nightmare might turn out as far more than some simple bugs in the basement.

He also didn't want anyone else to come down to this … prison or cellar or whatever it was. Despite the all over gross and disgusting things it couldn't be healthy to hang around, Bitty decided. And the more details he got of the stuff on the ground, the more terror krept into his mind. This was just not right and if they decided, police was not needed, they should just fill it with rubble and seal every hole in the basement for all eternity. Maybe after some more rounds of bug-bombs. Bitty also felt like he could take a nice long bath. In sanitizing liquid. Or pure alcohol.

„I'm so looking forward to a shower“, he mentioned more to himself and Shitty hummed.

„Yeah, can't wait to get outta this hell. Do … do you think, that's actual blood?“, Shitty asked and aimed the light on his hat to an especially nasty dark spot in the darkest corner they couldn't get closer to, because of the garbage.

„I really hope it's just mold, Shitty“, Bitty sighed and tried to get as much of the corner into a frame, but the simple digital camera could only get so much done in the small space.

„I think, we should let Jack document this mess with his wide-optical-vision-lense-thingy and for details, because …“

„No, Bitty, I don't think he will. Or anyone of us for that matter …“, he slowly moved himself down to the ground again to look intently at one particular item on the ground. The young layer moved the filthy fabric around with one pointy finger. If Bitty wasn't sure if he recognized the crumpled thing on the ground right, the next thing Shitty revealed very much did.

When the older man stood up and faced his smaller friend, Bitty was still looking down at the ground and the things Shitty just found. He didn't look as shocked as Shitty had expected, but there was nothing to complain. He stepped closer to the Southerner and touched his shoulder with one hand. Eric lifted his head and looked ot the taller man. He was shaking a bit, but his eyes seemed just very sad, it did something painful to Shitty's heart.

„I … I better get some more pictures done? I mean, we won't get in here anytime soon, don't we?“, he started to move around again for the photos and Shitty hummed.

„Yeah, better not forget something while we are not officially supervised, you know?“, he mumbled and gave the room one final look-over, ready to get the literal shit out of there.

„Do you think, police will tell the others? I mean …“, Bitty didn't face Shitty, being busy with the camera.

„I wish, they wouldn't, but I don't think it can be avoided … jeez, this is so sick“, Shitty huffed and yelled at the others informing them about their leave.

Bitty sighed and decided, there were enough pictures made and stuffed the camera into his pockets.

„Right, so this stuff goes straight to police and until they say otherwise, we remain silent, I guess?, Bitty asked as he hunched down to crawl back to daylight.

„Seems like the right thing, brah. At least police would agree to that …“, Shitty started to squeeze himself back into the tunnel to follow Eric.

„I wonder, how long we can hide the pictures and deets from the guys, though …“ he muttered through their progress.

They finally arrived back in the basement and began shedding the equipment off their drenched bodies. Even Bitty had no boundaries stripping down just to his briefs. His very tiny, very colorful briefs that had everyone chuckling and Lardo landing a hard slap on it, that actually kinda hurt. Shitty wasn't always all there, as anyone who met him would say as well. But sometimes he was astonishingly alert, like now. He snatched the camera off his smaller team-mate and used the chaos of the aforementioned start of relief-bro-wrestling to sneak out of the basement unnoticed. It took solid five minutes until Jack mentioned his absence.

„Where is Shits?“, he huffed and released Ransom out off a fierce headlock. Lardo slipped out of Bitty's own ferocious headlock after leaving black smudges of make-up all over the man's chest.

„Yeah, where is the Shit?“, she asked and rushed up the stairs to find him while the remaining guys entangled themselves from the ground.

„I think, he may call the cops“, Bitty muttered and hoped, it wouldn't draw any attention. But Jack caught him right on the spot, holding him by his shoulders so he couldn't escape as well. He was a fast little thing after all.

„Uh, we might have a reason to do so?“, Bitty offered but Jack just frowned.

„What did you found in there, Bitty?“, Jack asked very serious and the smaller man swallowed uneasily.

„I … I'm not sure I can tell …“, Bitty said with a small voice. But before the older man could say anything else, Lardo came running down the stairs again.

„Shitty says, I should tell you, he is getting his ass well-dressed and to the police and he is taking 'the evidence' with him, he means the camera. I go with him and you make sure, everything here stays at it is“, she shouted and ran up the stairs.

Everyone watched her leave, then everyone watched Bitty and he started to get uneasy. Until Lardo came back another time. She had somehow found the time to maintain her make-up perfectly.

„And don't bug the Bitty, you insensitive assholes!“ Then she was gone for good.


	4. ... the Secret comes to find you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In his attempt to regain some sort of normal living in the Haus, Bitty makes a special vlog. But Jack has some important questions first.

„Soooo, internet-land“, Bitty shifted into a comfortable position in-front of the camera and checked the image from the corner of his vision on the computer screen.

„following recent events, I had the idea to make a different kind of video this time. Y'all know, I really appreciate a nice meal and even if it doesn't brake records on your taste buds, the effort is at least 90 percent of the process, right?“, Bitty took a deep breath and calmed down, because it didn't help to ramble himself into a blubbering fit only ten seconds along the video. He had to remain some style at least, there was a perfectly crafted internet-image of Bitty to maintain.

„So, as I mentioned to you guys, as for recent happenings, I felt inspired to venture the sad depths of terrible concoctions containing food, someone dared to called edible and show you what I found to cope with my suffering. That's why I present you ten baking disasters that slowly broke my heart during the last few days. And as my 'friends' are as sensitive about culinary arts as stupid, green, wet rocks, they think it's hilarious to make fun about my agony, bless their hearts. But you lovely followers might just get what I mean and even enjoy this video“, Bitty ended his introduction, stopped the video and took a bit of water to prepare for the next part.

„Now, this is number 10 of the worst baking disasters that made your Bitty cry, because nobody asked for it and that makes it even worse and more fitting, so there we go", another deep breath.

"In general, it is a wonderful idea to make a lovely cake for a little girl. If she likes to be a princess, she might enjoy a magical cake arrangement, complete with pink frosting and cute flowers.

Whoever made this cake you see here though, thought it would be a great idea to make a young child a delicious castle … out of dicks. I guess, initially it was meant to look like a beautiful delicate fairy Disney castle with towers and pretty characters … But instead it came out like three erect unicorn-penises with tiny princesses dancing creepily around them.

The base of the cake looks decently smooth, but the towers look worse than an old man's wrinkly trouser snake.

The chief of this creation might also consult a professional about flower references for the general future.

MY personal opinion about number ten of my horrible list? I don't think a real princess would want ANYTHING to do with THIS!“ Eric stopped the video again.

Two video-takes without a hitch, that deserved a treat, Bitty thought, swirled the wheel-chair around, stood up and …

„You might give a mature only advice for that vlog, eh?“

… and shrieked. Because for some reason, his giant boyfriend thought it was a good idea to creep up silently and hovering just a few feet away where Bitty couldn't see him and chirp him out of the blue. The young Canadian was most likely just mindfully waiting patiently by the side in a dark corner until his boyfriend finished the video. But it was hart to just tell your heart to slow down and the restricting pain in your chest to subside and your breathing to even out and your foggy mind clearing up again … At least, if you had a big, strong, athletic boyfriend with super-fast reflexes and a caring streak from there to Canada, you could kind of afford to feel a bit dizzy and get wobbly knees sometimes.

Jack gasped in shock when his small boyfriend clutched a hand to his chest, eyes blown wide, legs getting weak. He jumped to fetch the blonde off his feet up into his arms to carry him bridal style to the bed. There he placed Eric down delicately and stuffed a pillow under his feet.

„Bits, are you conscious? Do you need something? Take your time to calm down, eh?“, the taller man sat down on the side of the bed next to Eric's hip. He was a nice, warm, sure presence, but the smaller man could to without the worrying giant crushing his hand with his huge paws.

„Please don't squish my hand, dear“, he mumbled and placed his free arm over his eyes.

„Oh, sorry, Bits. Do you need anything? Water? A blanket?“, Jack sounded concerned, but at least he didn't start a never ending row of excuses. Eric was grateful for small steps of process and effort lately. So when Jack dropped his hand like it was burning him, Eric reached back and held it gently on his stomach. It didn't take long until both men calmed down again and the blonde shifted to sit up against the bigger man's side.

„No, hun, it's okay, just a little spook“, Bitty said and decided to close his eyes for a bit. Maybe Jack would just let him rest and leave eventually. But his luck would run out sooner than later. It seemed soon was actually now.

Eric could swear he felt the stubborn Canadian stare literal daggers, trying to make him open his eyes and finally just explain everything by telepathic strength. The small Southerner sighed and opened his eyes to find Jack indeed watching him intently.

„You won't be satisfied if I say that I tell you everything tomorrow?“, Bitty tried for sweet, cute and innocent, Jack sighed this time.

„Bits, if I would want to wait until tomorrow, I could just wait for the police … why don't you just tell me?“, a very legit question and Eric tried for the Shitty-approved move.

„It wouldn't be fair, we didn't tell anybody yet and it would be unproductive for the investigation, after all we messed with the evidence by not calling the cops in the first place and …“

„I know what Shitty told the other guys, Bittle“, Jack interrupted the flow of words with growing impatience. Bitty just closed his mouth and stared at his frustrated boyfriend. He would really much like to tell him every single goory detail, but …

„Okay, I … Jack, please, you must believe when I say I really, really want to tell you everything. I just … really can't …“, it wasn't for the will to cooperate for the young blonde man. It was just … one of those rare moments he couldn*t find the right words and it confused him a lot. Jack on the other side seemed to get the wrong image because he was visibly bordering on seriously irritated.

„I beg your pardon? What do you mean you can't tell me? Call me paranoid, but you make me think, this mess has something to do with me!“, he frowned deeply and Eric felt the barely surppessed dread rising up his spine again. He still struggled for the words to properly explain while Jack became a bit agitated, clearly judging the time without a response in favor of his various assumptions.

„No, Jack, it's not … damn, how do I say it the right way?“, Jack's following stare told Bitty he had to do something, say something, anything.

„Eugh, I really have no words to explain this ungodly mess. I don't even know what to THINK, not to mention what to say. Where do I even begin?“, he searched his boyfriends face for an answer and found his features smooth out slowly at least.

„You have no words, eh?“, Jack made a face Eric couldn't read, because his tone was a mixture of disbelief and amusement, but also clear irritation and anger.

„This is very serious, Jack. This is my serious face and I said your first name three times till now, mister“, despite the general intention, he poked Jack's chest with a pointy finger. Then he huffed and lowered his head.

„It's just … really hard and I don't understand it. I know you have questions, because heaven help me I have countless of my own, I tell ya“, but Bitty knew more than Jack and it made him sad, because no matter how hard he tried to hold back the truth, his amazing boyfriend would know in the end.

„Then … why didn't you show me the pictures you made? You tell me everything, but you said nothing about what you found in the hole“, as so often Jack was right and Eric swallowed gravely. It was hard to look into his boyfriend's eyes, so he looked at their joined hands instead.

„And if this has something to do with me, I really think I should know what's going on, don't you think?“, Jack interrogated.

Stupid Falconer's Communication Training! Stupid intelligent Canadians! Stupid messy holes in their HAUS! Bitty silently cursed them all. Why was he the one to tell Jack and make him feel bad? Eric squeezed his eyes shut, but the first tears began to run down his face anyway. It didn't matter, he actually very much felt like crying. At least it drove his lovely boyfriend to manhandle him on the bed, under the covers and tightly cuddled together with the always responsible Senior Bunny.

„Bitty, Bits, I'm so sorry, I know you don't tell me because you don't want to hurt me. I know and I love you even more than before, you understand?“, Eric felt nearly squished by the giant hug.

„But, Bits, I'm gonna know anyway. And I don't want to force you if you really don't want to talk about it, but … it would make me feel a lot better to hear it from you than together with my parents from a police-officer, that's all actually. Please calm down, it's so hard to see you in pain, mon chou“, Jack kissed his smaller boyfriend's blonde hair and got a bone-crushing cuddle in return.

„Of course I want to tell you …“, but the words left Eric again.

„So, why couldn't we see the pictures then?“, Jack scratched Bitty's neck gently with his fingertips and that was really nice.

„Because Shitty and I agreed, that we didn't want y'all to know, what gross stuff was lying around in there. It was disturbing“, Bitty decided that would be enough of an answer.

„What was disturbing? I mean, you know that Lardo is the toughest of us all and I'm sure she would totally …“

„EXCUSE ME? This Haus may be the fountain of liberal feminism and equality for all genders, but if I ever let a lady anywhere near that kind of mess, I don't even know you anymore! It was …“, Bitty deflated because he didn't feel like hysterics.

„It was just right out disgusting, the walls, the ground, all the stuff …“

„I'm sure everyone in this house has seen some serious mess“, Jack commented and Bitty fell silent again. He didn't want to tell Jack about the difference on his own. At least Jack was too clever to flat out ask for the important details straight away.

„Okay, what made it so disgusting? The dust? Or the mold?“, Jack tried to ease Eric into the topic and if the Southerner didn't feel so terrible about the whole ordeal, he would kiss his brilliant, super-well-communicational-trained and sensitive boyfriend until he couldn't see straight. But instead he had to steal himself internally for the horrible topic.

„Uh, well, for once the ceiling was covered in slimy, spidery stuff that looked like it would just fall down on you at any moment. And the walls … yeah, I think they are covered in black, fuzzy mold that's dripping wet and smells like it looks. We weren't really sure about some stuff though, it was pretty dark and just dirty and messy in general. You couldn't even make out most of the walls because of the piles of junk …“.

„Did you take pictures of the walls? And the stuff on the ground?“, Jack asked, Bitty nodded silently and Jack took the right conclusions out of his lacking answer.

„Shitty told the others of the walls and the dirt, but he didn't mention stuff lying around, I think“, Bitty waited for a clue or a demand to say something.

„Why are you so hesitant to talk about what you found, Bits? Did you find something dead?“, Jack and Bitty shuddered at the thought and chuckled when they find out the coincidence.

„Aw, yes and no, sweatpea. I mean, we didn't find a human body or a small mammal, thank heavens. Just … you know … some mummified mice and rats and critters like that. Nothing worse than roadkill, dear“, Bitty tried to brush it off with a nonchalant hand-gesture and deliberately didn't tell Jack about the little skulls that had looked suspiciously like rabbits. He wasn't even sure Shitty was aware of his assumptions, so he stayed quiet about that as long as Jack wouldn't pry. So far Jack just smiled and Bitty prepared for the next question.

„So, doesn't seem too terrible for Lardo's delicate feet, eh?“, Bitty wasn't sure if he liked his more eloquent boyfriend better then the one with his foot always straight in his mouth from before. He sighed.

„No. We found other weird stuff we didn't want anybody to see before police did and especially not Lardo, because“, he sighed again. „Because Shitty and I thought, she would tell you immediately and we … we weren't sure about that. I am still not sure what to say …“, Jack squeezed Bitty against his chest.

„It's okay, I understand your intention …“, he said but didn't press further and waited instead for Bitty to explain something.

„No, honey, you should know … because we found a puck just … casually lying around there“, Bitty and Jack looked at each other with blank expressions.

„Just … a puck? A plain, black, rubber disk?“, Jack didn't know what to think and Bitty shook his head.

„No, there was something written on it. We found it, because I accidentally kicked it against a wall and it landed on it's side. There are also pictures of that …“

Jack was silent for a moment. „Maybe it is one of Chowder's pucks? The guys like to mess with his stack and …“

„No, sweatpea, both Shitty and I are pretty sure, it doesn't belong to Chowder“, Eric sighed and looked down at their hands again.

„Okay … so that was what you didn't want us to see? Random items of us lying around in a creepy dungeon?“, Jack still seemed confused and Eric shook his head again.

„No, Jack, we … we didn't want YOU to see what we actually found, I'm sorry“, finally the main point was out, but Eric missed the weight if the horror to leave his mind. Jack's eyes went wide and he stared at his boyfriend in bewilderment.

„Me? But … why? I mean, the puck could be from anybody, you can't say for sure …“

„I'm sorry, Jack, but we are fairly sure … we think most of the stuff lying around down there belongs to you. It's not only the puck, but other things, too“, Eric explained calmly and tried to calm down Jack as well.

„But … I don't miss anything. Especially not a marked puck, because I only have just one here and …“, Jack froze and stared blankly at Eric.

„What is it?“, the blonde asked with a small voice.

Jack just lifted Eric off his lab on the mattress next to him and bolted out of the room. Before the smaller man decided to follow him, Jack came back and threw the door closed. He had a red metal box in his hands with tiny white moose printed all over. When he sat down on Bitty's bed again, the blonde scooted closer to see what was happening. With sure movements Jack lifted the lid off the box and pulled a packed pile of letters out first. He placed them on the ground and stared into the box silently. After what felt like hours Bitty couldn't stand to wait any longer.

„Did you find what you were searching for, honey?“, he tried cautiously. But Jack didn't even look at him.

„What else did you find in the hole?“, he asked calmly instead and it made Eric very nervous.

„We … Letters, I think. And … pictures? But they were hard to make out, some may have caught fire at some point. And … other small stuff, just random nignags … even a sock …“

„Like this one?“, Jack pulled a white sock out of the box and held it up for Eric to see. The smaller man swallowed. It was the matching twin, if not as dirty as the one in the cellar, but exactly the same. So Eric nodded and Jack sighed.

„Did you find a piece of fabric, too?“, he asked and looked at Eric very sad, tired even.

„Um, I … think so?“, there may have been some laundry, but maybe Jack was thinking of something in particular.

„I mean, did you find a tear of black fabric with a Z on the back?“, his voice was still very calm and it made Eric crazy.

„I think we did indeed, why do you ask?“, the blonde couldn't make any sense of his boyfriend.

Jack closed the lid back on the box after placing everything back inside. He then shoved the box to the end of the bed and faced his gorgeous boyfriend with sad eyes and deep lines over his forehead.

„I asked, because those things are missing, even the puck“, Bitty gasped, covered his open mouth with one hand and felt terrible with all his suspicions coming true despite all different hoping.

„And I'm glad you told me soon, because we need to call the police right now … right after I called Kenny“, Eric stared at Jack with big eyes in total surprise.

„We need to go, Bits“, Jack said and stood up, motioning the other man to do as well.

„We have to tell the cops and Kent, because as far as I can see, the stuff in the basement, it's actually Kent's …“, and Bitty never expected to hear that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it so far. I hope, it was okay and  
> just let me know if you enjoyed that kind  
> of stuff, so you can get more. Have fun!

**Author's Note:**

> OMG Check Please! and all  
> charakters belong to Ngozi Ukazu  
> you find the original content here:  
> checkpleasecomic.com and support  
> her patreon! Also come along to my  
> tumblr, just look for MiaSchwarz


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